Otherworldly

Lately I have been working on my purpose in life by examining my true nature — which is being someone who sees the world in soul terms. I believe in the power of the imagination and that the physical world — the world beyond the Self — is the unknown, the esoteric Otherness. In keeping with this idea I created a song called “Otherworldly”, with vocals and lyrics by me.

I am also interested in a new therapeutic approach to anxiety and the emptiness of depression. It seeks to honour our power to create experiences and learn about ourselves — the only thing we can truly know.

Through our imagination we can “build out of nothing” like the gods.

The Art of Compassion: Part 6

I’ve been thinking about something these past couple of days. About how we’re all walking wounded and there are too many people facing things alone. Some of the hardest battles are the invisible ones: mental health issues, chronic but unseen illnesses, and grief (especially when it comes to the loss of an unborn baby). These are just some examples of wounds we can’t point to, proving our suffering, like a cast for all our friends to sign. It is very hard to feel validated when one’s struggles are unseen or misunderstood.

So I was wondering what we can do about this, to help each other. Because I’m willing to bet we all love someone who is suffering and never feels like their pain is heard or even believed.

You know what I want to do? I want to reach out to someone I love, hold their hand, and with great care and empathy, put a bandaid around their thumb. Not to try to make it better, but to say: “I know you are suffering and I believe you, and I want you to feel cared for. Wear this and when it comes off, I’ll have another one ready.”
I know that if someone had done that for me, when I was in my 20s and started cutting myself badly, I would have cried with the relief of feeling validated. And it would have made me put down the razor blade, at least for a little while. It wouldn’t have fixed the pain that was making me cut myself in the first place, but it would have made me realize I didn’t have to silently scream through my skin and blood just to make visible my invisible agony.

When we are supported with compassion and have our pain validated, I feel that we are at least able to cope a little better. And if any of this resonates with you, I will keep the bandaids ready. Wouldn’t it be so amazing if this is how we treated each other?

Understanding the Role of Emotional Pain

So much about modern life seeks to dull and dispose of emotional pain, but this pain is both a teacher and an opportunity. We depend on struggle to feel that we exist at all. Struggle is what gives value to achievements and allows growth. Just as all life feeds of the death of something, all pain can feed joy and fulfillment. You wouldn’t want to read a story without any conflict or drama, in which the protagonist was always happy and content — neither would you really want to live such a life. Without struggle in your life story you are a hero of nothing.

And if you really were perfectly peaceful and content all the time, it would be as if life were living itself, without a need for your own effort to overcome anything. And in that case, it would be as if you didn’t exist at all, as if life would live on without you.

One of the worst bouts of depression I experience is not about crushing emotional pain so much as it is the overwhelming sense of emptiness and lack of feeling anything — a mental state in which nothing seems to matter. However, in emptiness lies the greatest potential. Where there is nothing, like a blank page, anything can be written. So it becomes clear to me that states of emptiness are opportunities to change up your life. If you can connect with your potential in these moments, the infinite potential to do absolutely anything you can imagine, you can find new ways to live, new perspectives, and find new ways to fulfill your soul.

All struggle is an opportunity. It is necessary to feel alive and it makes achievements valuable in the first place. When you are in emotional pain, it is an opportunity to discover what your soul truly needs and gives you a reason to make greater efforts, which lead to growth and feelings of success.

I maintain that emotional pain is a spiritual thing — emotions are immaterial, and thus part of the spirit world. If we examine our emotions and pain, instead of trying to quick-fix them, we can learn what we value, what false beliefs are fueling continued and painful mistakes, and how to live better. In this way emotional pain is an ally, it is a signal that something is wrong either in your thinking or your actions. Just as physical pain tells you about your body, emotional pain tells you about your soul, and signals a time for action — a time to make changes and shake things up.

Journaling My Journey: 6

I had a strange, vaguely terrifying experience this morning. The good thing is that despite having been deeply suicidal a few months ago, I now know that I really don’t want to die.

I was sitting outside as I do every morning. It was 7:30am and I was smoking a cigarette and writing for my blog, watching the squirrels and the wild rat that lives under the shed. I felt pretty good — great, even. And then, this “great” feeling started to get weird.

I felt my arms going colder and colder, and when I looked at them, flexing them, I felt like they weren’t really attached to me. I don’t think it was depersonalization. It was more like when your hand falls asleep and it’s so numb it doesn’t feel like it’s attached to your body. My arms felt cold like I wasn’t getting enough blood to them.

When my hearing began to cut out, like when you have a bad head cold, I realized something was really wrong.

And then I began to feel euphoric.

I do have a fainting disorder (POTS) but every single time I’ve felt faint in the past, I’ve been severely nauseous and otherwise “sick” feeling, and my vision starts to fade. My vision was fine this time and I felt physically good. I checked my heartbeat: normal, steady, and strong enough. I was pretty calm too: so it wasn’t a panic attack. No dread or terror, just practical thoughts about what was happening to me and what I should do. My hearing was getting worse and the cold feeling in my arms was turning into weakness.

I realized that if I passed out, sitting under the veranda before anyone else was awake, it could be a couple of hours before anyone found me. And even so, I couldn’t go get help right then and there — I figured if I stood up, I’d be on the ground, passed out cold in an instant. I didn’t even have a cellphone with me. So I put my head between my knees and that helped a bit. Eventually, the euphoria began to fade.

At the worst point of it, I sincerely thought it felt like death: not that I was actually dying, but I wondered if this was how it felt to die. That disturbed me in a normal, practical sort of way — I wasn’t at all ready to die, which is how it should be. I stayed calm and paid attention to myself. Gradually my hearing returned to normal and within 20 minutes everything was back to normal. I stood up slowly: no faint feeling. All was well again.

I don’t think it was a physical health issue. I’ll mention it to my doctor but I don’t think I need to worry about it. If anything, maybe there was something in my first cigarette that shouldn’t be there, like a bit of glue. You know, the way glue fumes can go to your head. We smoke natives, so anything is possible. And on the other hand, it didn’t feel psychological either because I was being so rational about it all. While I was naturally concerned about myself, I wasn’t in some hypochondriac panic.

But now, if I ever feel depressed and suicidal again, I can remind myself that in a real “death’s door” situation, I know I won’t actually want to die. And if I ever did something stupid, my last thought would be terrible regret. Like if I were to jump off a bridge…the moment my hand left the railing, I would regret it.

That’s a powerful thing to know in your gut.

So anyway: life is beautiful, friends. If you are struggling, get help. If you don’t want to live, it’s not normal, it’s not okay, it’s only because something is WRONG with you. Get help. You need help and IT CAN GET BETTER.

Journaling My Journey: 3

It has been about three weeks since I began Dreamcraft, and I have written about 200 pages in my beloved journal, while also being more productive in other areas of my life. Dreamcraft is primarily an experiment, as I believe all spiritual systems should stand up to experiment. I find that I can see where my practice has been flawed, but I also see the tremendous effects it has had, and the wonderful changes in my life. I seek loving compassion first and foremost, and have been developing my soul tribe (a topic I will write about later).

I find that Dreamcraft works for me with a minimum of “work” — there is effort, yes, but it doesn’t (and shouldn’t!) feel like labour. My practice is not just spiritual either — like the Zen saying, I “chop wood, carry water”. I feel better physically and have improved my body’s flexibility a great deal by enjoying stretching (my own version of yoga) many times a day. Little household chores no longer feel like work either.

I found a spontaneous improvement in how I sense energy. I feel I can easily detect physical health issues in animals and people by running my hand over them. The energy I feel is intense and specific and seems so “real” (because it is!). I get up early every morning from spiritual practice and writing, but this does not tire me and I’m not trying too hard — it comes naturally.

Heartwork: Understanding Negativity

We sometimes seek the experience of negativity, for it is as interesting and stimulating as any other thrill. We very naturally have a desire to fulfill morbid curiosity, for instance.

This is not in itself “evil”, for good and bad are terms dependent on context and perspective.

Negativity seems to serve something in us, which attracts us to it. But it is likely that this attraction is like the moth who wants to be the candle-wick, an ultimately destructive denial of our true nature. For as much as we are pulled to create our own suffering, to actually desire this suffering is a confusion of the mind and soul. It ought to be completely impossible to enjoy our own suffering, because suffering is the very opposite of enjoyment. If you get off on pain, you have some trait which allows you to obtain a kind of pleasure from it. But this is not true suffering, then. I am talking about the human habit of making oneself utterly miserable, to the point of extreme depression and dissatisfaction in which there is no pleasure to be had.

In this way we make ourselves excruciatingly anxious by worrying or slice ourselves with the blade of anger or jealousy or hatred toward others. And there may be some excitement to the experience, but it is anguish, the very opposite of pleasure.

Other than our appetite to experience new thrills, why do we return again and again to negativity, which cannot truly serve us? Our appetite for negativity is like eating deadly poison just because we are starving.

So we are like a bunch of simpletons who continue to do the same things that make us unhappy and even sick again and again, somehow expecting different results. What is the explanation here?

Sometimes we make poor choices in pursuit of momentary pleasure, and this is not very difficult to understand.

But sometimes we seem to pursue misery for the sake of misery alone. It is the strangest thing, because all we get from this misery is a little thrill of drama. Negativity of this type is like being sad without much reason and feeding into this sadness very deliberately. Or it is a matter of dwelling on anger or feelings of dissatisfaction.

It could be that our attention to misery comes from a failure to imagine our full potential. If we could imagine something more exciting and joyful than the drama of misery, wouldn’t we choose that instead?

So, think: what exciting potentials can you imagine? If the universe were wide, wide open, without limits to you, what would you choose to do? Rebel against normality — isn’t that far more exciting than drama created through suffering? Take the risks that could lead you to our biggest dreams coming true. Think: what would be wildly challenging and exciting? What have people told you is impossible to do, that you wish to do? What would be your greatest dream?

Spiritual Practices for Feeling Good

These practices constitute what I call “energy hygiene”, aligning us to a perspective capable of experiencing true joy.

Above all else, if you cannot do these things, if you cannot imagine joy, get help. This is not a “normal” or healthy state to be in. Something is wrong and I urge you to pursue help in fixing the problem.

Spiritual Practices for Energy Hygiene

• meditate
• talk with your higher self (described here) or other “spirit guides”
• stretch and enjoy your body
• dance like a child, or at least imagine doing so (described here).
• connect with the concept of oneness or spirit (described here)
• attend to your spiritual energy. Try the Q’ero shamanic practice (described here).
• remind yourself why you love the people in your life. Generate a feeling of deep love now through imagination and memory (described here).
• laugh, especially at life’s little absurdities, the way children do.
• find delight in simple things, whether it is feeding chipmunks, watching videos of cute animals, enjoying nature, or savouring a hug.
• be grateful
• develop your spiritual senses, such as seeing auras, psychic awareness, etc.
• sing
• seek to learn something new
• express kindness and give love freely, for joy is a side effect of compassion.
• write a poem or create art
• smile and laugh with a child
• seek inspiration: new music, quotes, beauty in nature, etc.
• believe in the potential for things to be better than they are (not in a materialistic way, but with true joy).
• participate in something larger than yourself.

 

Things to Avoid

• the news. By all means, stay informed, but be detached too. Exercise critical thinking about what you hear.
• trying to change people. Avoid truly negative or selfish people if you can, but also extend compassion to them (described here).
• dissociating through excessive consumption of fiction (TV, novels). Focus on being present in your life instead.
• gossiping and judging. Mind your own isness, instead.
• staying indoors all the time and not moving around or stretching your body.
• failing to challenge or inspire yourself
• trying to find power outside yourself
• trying to find satisfaction outside yourself, such as relying on materialism.

 

If you can incorporate some of these practices into your life every day, treat it as an experiment. Do they help? Do you notice any effect, and when does that effect happen — is it immediate? Does it take some time? Can you think of other, similar ideas that work better for you? Experiment and observe.